


No air

by Akame_Dragneel



Series: Only the nine of us [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Accident, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, the other members are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-10-18 10:49:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20637941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akame_Dragneel/pseuds/Akame_Dragneel
Summary: No matter when he closes his eyes, everything would come back.The pain.The screams.The blood.Everything, with no exception.Everything would come back to his mind.





	No air

**Author's Note:**

> If you are uncomfortable with description of panic attacks or angst, please, don't read.

_ “ _ _ Hyunjin _ _ ?” _

_ “Felix? _ _ Hyunjin _ _ ?” _

_ “Breath! Please!” _

_ “ _ _ Jisung _ _ !” _

_ “ _ _ Hyunjin _ _ !” _

_ He was groaning from pain. _

_ His head hurt. _

_ His arm hurt. _

_ His leg hurt. _

_ His lungs were burning. _

_ Everything hurt. _

_ He couldn’t feel anything but pain. _

_ He couldn’t hear _ _ anything _ _ but the awfully pained screams shouted by his leader. _

_ It hurts. _

_ It hurts so much. _

And Hyunjin opened his eyes. 

Sweat pearling on his face, he was lying on his bed, looking at the bottom of the bunk bed above him. 

His room was still dark, indicating that it was still night. That they still had time to sleep. 

But not for him. 

No matter when he closes his eyes, everything would come back. 

The pain. 

The screams. 

The blood. 

Everything, with no exception. 

Everything would come back to his mind. 

It was stupid. So stupid. And he knew it. 

It has been a month. A whole month since it happened. And two weeks since everyone came back to the dorm, including him who stayed for a while with his parents and Jisung who just woke up back then. He should forget this. He wasn’t the one who suffered the most. 

Chan saw them, the three of them, after the accident. He saw his three younger members resting like bloody lifeless dolls, not knowing what to do. 

Felix had broken ribs and the man, the asshole who tried to kill them, held a gun against his head. 

And Jisung. Jisung, the boy he used to hate on their trainee days, the boy he always fought with back then, the boy who was now his best friend, almost died. 

And then, there was him. 

He just had a broken arm. 

He was the first one to wake up, but he still managed to worry the others, as if they weren’t afraid and concerned enough with the Felix and Jisung. 

He was the one who suffered the less, but he was still making drama about this. And he hated himself for that. 

The thoughts were too strong. He couldn’t beat them. He couldn’t beat those demons. 

And he felt his chest tightening, his breathing grew stertorous, his mouth opened as he tried to catch come oxygen. But, in the darkness of the room, he felt like he was trapped in a cage between his and Seungmin’s bed on top his own. It made him feel claustrophobic. 

Quickly and clumsily, he threw his blanket on the floor, almost tripping on it as he was fighting to breath, and ran out of the room in which he felt like he was dying. 

His feet guided him to the bathroom, and he almost threw himself on the ground as he let his body fall next to the wall. 

And now, his hand holding firmly the fabric of his pyjamas, he was trying to calm down his heavy breathing. 

But no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t do it. 

Not only because of all the bad thoughts he had, the demons still hunting him, always ready to attack when he would try to close his eyes, but because of the fear. 

He couldn’t breathe. The oxygen didn’t want to come and go out like it should, leaving him breathless. He felt like dying, trying again and again to take a deep breath. 

But he couldn’t. 

The oxygen was stuck in his lungs. He couldn’t breathe. 

_ There was no air. _

And, even if it wasn’t the first time it happened to him, it was still scary. Right now, he couldn’t think about what he should do or the situation. 

The only thing he had in his mind now was how to reach for oxygen. 

And, understanding that he couldn’t do it now, he started to breath faster, his lungs burning inside. 

He didn’t feel the tears rolling down his face, the sweat on his face doing the same thing. 

He didn’t feel the reassuring hand on his back at first, slowly tracing circles on his body. 

“Hyunjinnie... Jinnie it’s me Seungmin. Can you breathe with me?” 

The boy continued to shake, so Seungmin continued. He thought about waking someone up, but Chan wasn’t at home and Woojin was sleeping in the same room as Felix, and he didn’t want to wake the Aussie. He could go to see Minho, but he didn’t. 

He didn’t want to be useless. He wants to help his friend. 

So, he did what he saw the doctor doing: asking Hyunjin to breathe with him. 

“Jinnie, I’m going to breathe with you, okay? You can do it, so listen to me, okay?” 

And he took a deep breath, slowly, leaving the other boy enough time to do it like him. 

“One.” 

And he exhaled. Before taking another breath. 

“Two.” 

And he did it again, again and again. Faster, until the boy finally calmed. 

He was a teary mess now, slowly sobbing, hiding his head with his arms. 

“Jinnie... Look at me...” 

The boy obeyed and slowly raised his head, not caring about hiding his face anymore. He was too tired for this. 

And, the first thing that shocked Seungmin were the bags under the elder's red and puffy eyes. 

“For how long did you have the nightmares?” 

“Ho-how do you know …?” 

Hyunjin looked at him in the eyes while asking the question with a shaky voice. He looked so fragile, he was nothing like the Hyunjin he showed to the others. The bright and funny Hyunjin. 

“I heard you. You are crying in your sleep, Hyunjin.” 

The affirmation made the boy even more embarrassed and he was mad at himself. Because of him, his roommates couldn’t sleep. He was so useless. He hated it even more now. 

“Sorry...” He whispered, not daring to look in the younger’s eyes. 

But Seungmin didn't see it that way and slowly turned Hyunjin’s face to him, his hand resting on his cheek, before he took it away and held his hand. 

“What do you apologies for? You haven’t done anything wrong.” 

Seungmin was always right. Always, but no today. He had so many things to apologies for. 

Seeing that the dancer wouldn’t answer, Seungmin continued. 

“Is it because of the accident?” 

It was obvious, but he still asked it. And Hyunjin slowly nodded. 

“I... I shouldn’t cry about this...” 

He closed his eyes, tears slowly making their ways on his face. And Seungmin let him continue, he wanted Hyunjin to tell him what was wrong. 

“I shouldn’t be... here, crying like this... The others... they suffered much more.” He finally opened his eyes and looked in Seungmin’s. “Chan hyung witnessed everything, Felix and Jisung could have died and I … I’m so, so weak, Seungmin. Even you all... you were afraid and worried because of us... I don’t have the right to pretend to be hurt. But... I don’t pretend... I can’t stop the nightmares and the memories and the pain and... and I hate it. I hate everything! I...I can’t-” 

He started to breath faster, and Seungmin quickly helped him to calm down. 

“Calm... Jinnie, breath.” 

And he did like he was told, taking slow and deep breathes, frustration tears rolling on his cheeks. 

“Sorry...” 

Seungmin felt so bad for the dancer. All the nights he heard him waking up or crying in his sleep, he never tried to comfort him. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he didn’t know how to do it. He may be a good talker, but he didn’t know how to talk to someone who needed comfort. 

Sometimes people don’t need useless talks but just a presence, but right now, Hyunjin needed to know the truth. 

“Hyunjin. You have the right to be sad and hurt. You were in the accident too, you know.” He stopped a little, observing the how the older didn’t react to his words. 

“Jinnie... Jinnie look at me.” He continued as the older obeyed. “You have the right to be hurt. You suffered, you suffered way more than us. But it’s not a question of who suffered more. Because we all did, not in the same way, but we all did. So you can cry, Jinnie. You can cry, you need to cry because you’ve been hurt.” 

And Hyunjin cried. He cried even more now, because of the fear, the pain, the nightmares. Because of Seungmin’s words. 

Because he has the right to cry. 

And Seungmin didn’t bother to hide his own tears. 

“Will... will everything be like before?” 

Seungmin didn’t know. Will everything be like before? No. There will be a difference, because they almost lost their brothers. But the difference doesn’t necessarily means something bad. They can be even better than before. 

“Maybe not like before, but everything will be better. Even if it takes all night or a hundred years, we will be fine. All of us, together, we will go through this.” 

And after a few more sobs, they went back to sleep. 

None of them talked, even when Seungmin laid next to Hyunjin on his bed. Because there has been a silent demand from the older, and Seungmin understood it quickly. 

He was going to be next to Hyunjin from now. Not only Hyunjin, but all the members. He was going to help them fight their demons. 

So,this night, he was going to fight Hyunjin’s nightmares with him. 

And, for the first time in a month, Hyunjin has been able to close his eyes without fear. 

**Author's Note:**

> Another "sequel" to Guilt! It's how Hyunjin feels about everything. 
> 
> There are two song references, can you find them? 
> 
> Sorry if there are weird spans everywhere, I don't know why my computer does that.
> 
> As always, sorry for the mistakes and the typos! I don't even know why I continue to write in English because every time I read a story I published I find mistakes and it's annoying. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! Comments and Kudos help a lot <3
> 
> BTW, does anyone read Light? 'Cuz I need to update that too ^^'
> 
> Akame~


End file.
